Bread in the Kingdom

We have spoken about living in God's Now. This is advice I gave to a man suffering from psychosis in our neighborhood who was in an active phase. "What is the time zone in Heaven?" I asked. This was a question that appealed to him. "It is Now," I said as he was obsessing about the past.

God's Now Always Now. For where and when have no place. No plans are necessary, for there is nothing left to accomplish. All has been fulfilled. Regrets for yesterday and fretting for tomorrow no longer make sense. (They never made sense anyway.) Heaven is the Now that has no end, where living present to the living God is our all and our everything.

But there is another Now we must not neglect. It is not declarative or indicative grammatically, but rather imperative. It is God's command. As distracted children, we were familiar with this command: "Now!" And it might have been followed by other words: "And I don't mean later!"

Yesterday, Sr. Marty shared an anecdote of her childhood having to do with a switch. And perhaps this would be the right instrument for children who do not pay attention to Father's command.

Doesn't this go to the heart of our Gospel lesson this morning? "A certain man has prepared a great feast and invited many." The rest of the tale we know. The intended guests behaved childishly giving the sort of excuses one is apt to hear from whining teenagers: "I'm busy."

What is this mysterious meal to which to which so many have been invited? It is revealed in the verse preceding our Gospel reading:

The moment for which all the Creation has longed has reached fulfillment: the feast in the Kingdom of God. But the intended guests have fallen into "the trance of the world," where the insignificant has come to preoccupy them utterly.

I should add at this point that for almost twelve-hundred years, the Bible had no divisions of chapters and verses. Chapters first came in the thirteenth century. Think of it! The Bible had no chapters and verses for more that a thousand years! And verses were not added until the sixteenth century. Well, that is nearly the modern period. The earliest Bibles had virtually no punctuation nor even spaces between words. And perhaps we get a new perspective on St. Paul's characterization that the books of the Bible were oracles. For the Gospels (which he never saw) were written as an unrelieved stream of uncials (Greek capital letters). We must decide which letters go where. We might not know which letters go with which words.

Yet, those who are able, discern that the fulness of time has come. The feast represents the readiness of the Creation. We might think of the season of harvest. We cannot bring the harvest in after it is past .... no before. And it represents the ripeness of God's purposes, for a feast requires days to prepare but must be eaten the moment it is ready ..... or it is ruined. You see, this is all about the right moment. When it comes, we must run to it.

May I offer an additional epigram today? This one is from St. Mark's Gospel:

Do we hear the urgency? The word that captures all of this is καιρός / kairós . God's kairós is the acceptable moment. It is a divine word, eternal, outside of time, juxtaposed to that human caterory, chronos, which is a time-bound word. Kairos is not so much a time as it is the banishing of time and timelines .... like Heaven's Now. It is more a state of being, a disposition of God, where and when the boundaries between Heaven and earth fall away.

This is no time to go shopping for real estate. It is not a time for reviewing livestock. Nor is it a times for catering to the whims of a wife. This is the moment, like the end of the Canterbury Tales, when Heaven and earth have passed away, and we are left only with the scales of justice, of Libra, rising on the horizon.

The scene captures the theme for which the Four Gospels were written: God enters history as a human Person. If a royal herald runs in advance to announce the coming of a great king so that we might ready ourselves, imagine what it means to anticipate the coming of God. God lived among us .... and we did not know Who He Was .... though His Identity was plain to see as the Gospels of St. John and St. Luke attest. As I say, "lost in the trance of the world."

But God is not to be put off or ignored. When He summons you, the answer is not "Later" or "I'm busy." The answer must always be the boy Samuel's reply, "I am here, Lord" (1 Samuel 3:4). I know this to a certainty. I am humbled to say that I have received God's certain call.

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God called. And I declined. I had to be talked out of the religious name Jonah, which would have been apt for I was the man who ran when God called, like Simon bar-Jonah.

During the late 1980s, I was very much distracted by the world. I had graduated from Colgate and Johns Hopkins having studied medieval and then Renaissance culture and literature for eleven years. But then I was recruited by Bell Laboratories. So I walked away from that whole world. I was identified as the "lead student" in my class. I published my dissertation. I was offered a university faculty position, but I accept the offer from Bell Labs because I had taken on the responsibility of financing a young woman's medical education.

I had been promoted to senior rank at Bell Labs, Distinguished Member of Technical Staff. I had been recruited by MIT's Center for Advanced Engineering Study. Also, a senior editor at Addison-Wesley (a foremost publisher of scientific books) told me, "Frankly, we're interested in anything you have to write." Invitations to give papers at various places came in. And I was asked if I would be interested in hosting my own television show in Boston.

In the meantime, I was in the midst of a vivid call from God to leave the world and to give my life only to Him. He was turning my life upside down. I found myself constantly listening to and reading Scripture, so that I might be present to His Word. Anyone I discussed it with asked me if I out of my mind.

Phrases and sentences that I really had never noticed become prominent. Samuel's confrontation with Saul:

Is it not the sound of disobedience?

I knew what the consequences of disobedience were. For the blessing fell off of King Saul, and he could never again find it anywhere.

The Psalm verse that was always before me was,

And a principle began to be etched on my soul:

It didn't matter how much I put in the plate at church. It was not money that God wanted. He wanted me .... perhaps for His most humble purposes.

I listened to the Bible on cassette tapes constantly. Once while I was on a road trip outside my home state, I paused the tape to comment on the passage, "Let your sayings be only 'Yea, Yea and Nay, Nay'" (Mt 5:37). At that moment, a car pulled into my lane ahead of me. It had Maine plates like mine, and the license plate read, "NAY NAY."

On another occasion I was writing a homily (for by now I was invited to preach at neighboring churches), but suddenly I had to dash because I was late for an appointment. And while driving I continued to piece out the homily. "Should I say, 'the Church in Rome' or 'Romans'?" I asked myself. At that moment the license plate approaching me read, "IN ROMA." These "coincidences" (C. S. Lewis called them "God-incidences") were now a constant feature of daily life. It were as if a Cheshire Cat had come for me, and I saw him everywhere.

And I saw much more than uncanny timings. I experienced a visitation from the greater life, my Mother, who revealed information, urgent news, that no one else could have known. And I held her. I could feel her strong grip on my forearm. I felt the give of her soft flesh on my cheek at our embrace. I do not know what resurrection means. But I do know that the resurrected ones are present to us as bodies. I was granted a glimpse of the world beyond the door and I clearly beheld angels, who were not phantoms nor faint figures but very imposing figures inspiring awe. And I understood why they first had to say, "Be not afraid."

Back in the quotidian world, I was buried in debt. As I said, I had consented to financing a young girl's medical education, which now had gone on for many years and included expensive schools, Ivy League institutions. Two numbers hung over my head like swords. The first was $90,000 in high-interest debt. No one would loan me money during the "home stretch" because I had reached the point of being "under water." My indebtedness was greater than my ability to pay. The second number was $200,000 in low interest debt. I prayed ardently for a release from this longtime indenture: "Lord, how can I serve you when I have these responsibilities!"

From the time I began my prayers to the time of my release, it is a fact that six months passed. It is not just the fact of my deliverance from debt (which plainly was a miracle) and not just the timing (which was breathtaking) but it was the way that it happened, from completely unexpected sources and the precision of the sums.

A priest I know wanted to see the debt amount himself and then the check amount discharging the high interest loan. In fact, it was $89,000 and change. When he saw that the amounts matched, verifying this miracle, he asked if he could preach on it. "People should be told, God is among us," he said, "and that He continues to perform mighty works."

I suppose I should not have hidden this story. Was it just last week that our Gospel lesson addressed this?

And when the $200,000 check came in, it was a check for $200,000.

I had to do something. I had to tell someone. I had promised God that I would extricate myself from my responsibities and get on with the rest. My friends warned me that if I announced that I was going leave work, I would be "taking my career out back and shooting it in the head." Nonetheless, I went to my department head at Bell Labs, Dave Belanger (who later became the Head Scientist of AT&T). He was a memorable listener. He attended to my every word. He then replied, "Hundreds of people can give a good sermon or can visit the sick and shut-in, but no one can do what you can do. Vocation? I'd say your vocation has been revealed to you .... it is your career at Bell Labs and at MIT. If you leave, no one can take your place."

The next thing I knew, I was summoned to a months-long program designed for future leaders of technology. I was paired with a vice president of Digital Equipment Corporation. The idea of the program was to identify what you are willing to take a stand for, "the hill you are willing to die on." I went along with the program and gave them what they expected. After all, to mention God among these people would be equivalent to telling them about little green men from Mars. At least, that's what I thought.

During the "review and debriefing" part of the program, my partner and I were chatting privately. She said, "My dear friend is an Episcopal priest. I asked him what he would make his stand for. And he said, 'That God be present!'" I was stunned. She knew nothing of the content of my heart. But she took precise aim. Bull's eyes! At that very moment, I had a letter from an Episcopal seminary in the breast pocket of my jacket. I reached for it almost involuntarily and read it. My partner looked at me, appalled, and asked, "Who are you?" I knew well enough who and what I was: a faithless man.

I continued bargaining with God to my great discredit. I wheedled. I bargained. I pleaded. I began preaching every Sunday at one of nine area churches who invited me. I visited hospitals as a lay visitor. I went to see shut-ins on a regular rota. But this was my weak conception of what God's meant: a checklist. Checklist religion! But it was not His conception. Finally, when He had seen enough, He pulled the plug on all my sideshows. And all went dark. A car accident. A head injury. Total disability. I could not read. I could not write. I could not dial a phone nor remember how to tie a necktie.

I could hear Him saying, "Now make your choice!"

Bell Labs told a team at Harvard, "Fix him. Cost in no object." But I could not be fixed. I had entered the great fish. God ordered me to Nineveh, and I sailed for Tarshish, to the opposite end of my world. Like Jonah, I entered the belly of the fish but not for "three days and three nights" (Jonah, 1:17), but for three years. In fact, I thought I had entered the belly of the fish permanently. Harvard had issued their final report on me: "In sum, we find that Dr. Lally is totally and permanently disabled." Nothing could be done.

Yet, I did emerge. I was determined to enter seminary. My utmost wish was to be obedient. I wanted to give my whole life to God. My gait was shaky, to be sure. But the people at Harvard coached me. They coached me on how to study, and they coached me on how to take a test.

The team agreed that I should apply and see how one semester would go. I settled on Yale because of its high-quality Roman Catholic faculty. I went down for my interview. I was told "the Dean of Admissions will see you know." When I walked into the room, there was my old dean from Colgate. (I had no idea!) He remembered me. And he showed himself to be most supportive. I only asked that no one be told about my disability. The main question was, "Can I do this?" In the end I found that I could do this .... but not anything else. My spatial reasoning was gone. (It still is.) I could not even do mental arithmetic. Going back to MIT or Bell Labs Research was simply not on the cognitive table.

So I finished my first year of seminary, which went well, and I had to face a decision. I wanted to retire from Bell Labs, but I was not old enough and, anyway, I did not have enough years of service. So I went forward with one thought: I will be obedient whatever the cost.

My friends and family said, "Are you crazy? Now you're going to turn your back on a pension and benefits for the rest of your life?! Stephen, everything has been taken from you. Don't destroy the rest!"

But I was determined. What is a pension? What are benefits for the rest of my life? .... if I have lost the blessing of God. I was being tested. And I was determined not to fail this test.

But God did not ask me to stand on that crucible. The phone rang. It was my best friend at Bell Labs, Bob Murray. Had I heard the news? The Company had announced what they called a "Five-Plus-Five" program: anyone could receive five years of age and five years of additional service and then retire if they qualified. And I did ..... by only a margin of weeks. It would mean a steep pay cut, but I would be free.

I accepted the offer against the advice of every other person I knew "Bells Labs is forever!" they said. And Bell Labs was committed to me until I died. But I replied, "The only thing that is forever is God."

It is a fact that soon after I accepted their offer, Lucent Technologies, the parent company of Bell Labs Research, failed. People now say that Wall Street greed and malfeasance together with corporate incompetence and inexperience (training in technology will not prepare you in the arts of high-finance) combined to make a volatile mixture. Lucent was the Apple of its day, and its stock went to zero in an afternoon.

It were as if I departed from the city gates, walked a mile down the road, and heard the colossal roar of a city collapsing, and seeing a dust cloud two miles high. For the great and famous city was no more. And I recalled what I had said: "Only God is forever, and His good promises continue to shimmer and shine."

As I look back decades later, I can say I was present for the collapse of the nation's largest and most successful business: American Telephone and Telegraph employing one million people. I was present for the collapse of the Episcopal Church, once synonymous with stability and prudence: producing three-quarters of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and more than one-fourth of all U.S. presidents. And I was present for the collapse of the Roman Catholic Church, my service there coinciding with the most ruinous revelations of its history. I suppose I am what sailors call "a Jonah," a herald of doom and disaster. I give myself no credit or discredit. But it is a fact that God had me standing at ground zero when these great cataclysms occurred. I suppose He wanted me to be deeply persuaded of the transitory nature of the world.

I am presently serving the Russian Orthodox Church, the second largest group of Christians on earth. In particular, I am a priest of its semi-autonomous part, the Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia. My service to the Russian Orthodox communion makes no sense to my friends and family. Russia is rapidly being positioned in the press as America's most dangerous enemy. Recently, they reported that Putin launched a vicious attack on Ukraine on Christmas Day. They didn't bother to note that it was not Christmas either in Russia or in Ukraine but only a minor feastday: St. Spyridon's Day. Christmas falls on January 7 according to the Western calendar.

And American culture, along with the West which it dominates, is undoubtedly seen as the greatest enemy of Russian Orthodoxy. One of Russia's most popular movies, The Priest (2009), numbers Russian Orthodoxy's historic enemies as being three: fascism, communism, and Western culture.

I have learned many things about God in my life of prayer and service. I have humbly tried to share some of these insights in the course of thirty-four years of preaching. But the primary thing I have learned is that we must remain entirely dependent upon Him. The Church is rightly called the ultimate counter-culture. And nothing could be more counter-cultural than this. We are taught from the time we are children that we must study and get a job that we might be financially secure. Yet His message is clear: we must continually be stripped of our worldly encrustations. We must be independent of the world insofar as we are entirely dependent on Him.

When I gave my life to God, I gave away all of my money. When we left Haiti (and at length the Roman Church) as refugees, we came to Hawaii, where we had some hope of surviving — no heat bill, no electric bill, good top soil, a nice balance of sun and rain for growing food year round. I can say ten years later that what has been done here — a pure life secure in prayer and worship, a certified organic farm, a monastery of three buildings — has all been done miraculously by God. He has done it by calling the least likely persons (which is His signature act). He has called two elderly women and their disabled priest to attention each day. And, then, finding these instruments to be acceptable, He has rained down such blessings down upon us that we run across our fields attemping to catch them all. We stumble. We fall. But we continue to press on beginning our day before first light and working till after dark. But the plenitude of His blessing never leaves us. This place is aglow with holy peace. The plan has been entirely His, and the timing of all is always already His famous hallmark.

The general point of my homily today is that the world is not a reliable instrument for navigating through the things of God. To borrow from an old Maine proverb: "You can't get there from here." The world is discontinuous with the Kingdom of God and, indeed, is God's implacable enemy. Only intimate relationship with God will do, only by relying entirely on Him, trusting Him entirely. Providence is His Name. It is only within this holy sphere of intimate relationship that we can know what God expects of our lives, what He wants from each of us personally. Only then can we know when He calls us, all of us, to Himself. — a certain man gave a feast and called everyone and there was still room in his house. You know, it is a marvel of large families that each child is certain that he or she is the special one. And yet every child cherishes that same secret. He calls each of us to Himself on that final mountaintop, when His great feast has been prepared, — His kairós. On that day, many will be called. Answering the call is only beginning of the journey. We must stand serviceable among His bright angels every day. This is our bounden duty and service. We must leave the world, and must come to Him. The rest He will do. He will do it faithfully. For He is our God, and we are His people.

In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.